Dear Advy,
I did well in law schools. I struggled and worked my way up and I am now employed for a well-known international law firm. By all accounts I am perceived by my family as “doing well for myself.” The truth is I don’t feel like I’m doing well. I know that imposter syndrome is something many people in many different professions feel but regardless of me trying to use logic to shut down the ongoing narrative in my mind, I always feel like I don’t belong. I get this reoccurring pit in my stomach when I’m getting ready to go to the office in the morning, like today is the day that people realize I am not at the same level as the rest of the firm. I’d really appreciate any tips you can provide to help me with this issue.
Sincerely,
Lawyer or Imposter
Dear Lawyer or Imposter,
Is it a touch ironic that someone like me who writes under a pseudonym is answering your question about being an imposter?
Here are a couple of things people typically say when asked for advice about Imposter Syndrome that don’t help:
- “Everybody has it. Don’t worry.”
- “Just don’t compare yourself to others!”
To be fair, there’s some element of truth to each.
Imposter Syndrome is widespread. In fact, it is not recognized as a clinical diagnosis in part because around 82% of the population experiences it, though measurements vary widely. By the way, I have a theory about the 18% of people surveyed who didn’t admit to having experienced imposter phenomenon: They were afraid saying yes would expose them as frauds. Imposter Syndrome is often referred to as “Imposter Phenomenon” in literature because something as widespread as this cannot be considered as a “syndrome,” and it is not a recognised diagnosis. You may not care about those details, but they drive home the point that you are far from being alone in this.
“Just don’t compare yourself to others” should be helpful advice, but it’s a bit like telling someone “Don’t think of an elephant!” Giving the advice just reminds the person receiving it to do exactly what you’re asking them not to do.
You probably didn’t write in to get bad advice. On top of that, giving you bad advice means I’ll soon be exposed as completely unqualified to write this column, unlike all the other brilliant advice columnists out there. EEK! On to the good advice, then.
The single most useful thing to do in managing Imposter Phenomenon is to normalize talking about it. That sounds counterintuitive. How can admitting to the world that you feel unqualified compared to your peers help? Remember that this is such a widely held experience that odds are your audience will think “No way! I thought I was the only one!” By taking that seemingly risky – but not really risky – step of admitting you experience it, you create an opportunity to hear about how many other people around you go through the same thing you do. Seeing and hearing from other people who are experiencing the same thing you are is an effective way for your rational brain to overpower that narrative in your head that says you’re about to be discovered as a fraud.
Speaking of that narrative, consider using a tool you learned in law school: cross-examination. When your interior monologue starts telling you that you aren’t good enough to be where you are, cross-examine that belief. Enter with me, if you will, the courtroom of your mind:
“The partners must have hired me by mistake because I’m surprised
they didn’t notice how bad I am at this.”“So, you’re saying the partners at your firm are incompetent?”
“No, they’re really smart people!”
“They’re just not very good at hiring the right people then?”
“No, I’m really impressed with the other people they’ve hired.”
“Then you’re saying they’re smart people who make mistakes all the time?”
“No, just with me.”
“And so, you’re exceptionally – perhaps uniquely – capable of fooling everyone about your qualifications?”
“No, no. I’m not exceptional at all!”
“Of course not. You’re not exceptional, the people who hired you don’t usually make mistakes, and they’re smart. You’ve heard of Imposter Syndrome, have you?”
“Yes.”
“Could the other people around you also be experiencing Imposter Syndrome?”
“Maybe, but with me it’s different.”
“Right, because you – uniquely in the world – are not only incompetent but you’re also the only person who is the true imposter among all the other people who are just deluded about thinking they’re imposters. That’s what you’re trying to tell us?”
[silence]
“No further questions.”
Now, having said all of that, Imposter Syndrome/Phenomenon doesn’t come out of nowhere. There is evidence that the more a person is on the receiving end of racial, gender or other discrimination, the more likely and the more frequently that person will experience the sense of being an imposter. Even subtle messages about not belonging can fuel Imposter Syndrome, and those small subtle messages can build up over time. To use an analogy, one mosquito bite might itch but be no big deal. Getting ten thousand mosquito bites at one time could land you in the hospital.
I mention all of that because you use the word “belong”. Yes, it’s always worthwhile to ask yourself if you are doing the kind of work you want to at the kind of place where you want to work. Staying somewhere that you truly don’t belong can be harmful to your mental health in the long run. It’s worth looking carefully at whether you want to belong where you are. Explore what it means to you to “belong”. There’s no shame in realizing you would fit in better at another firm or even in another kind of career altogether.
On the other hand, sometimes that sense of un-belonging comes out of messages you are receiving that are not based on your competence or ability or preferences but rather things like your skin colour, your sexuality, your gender, or other aspects of you that mark you as distinct from others. That’s the dark side of what many workplaces call “fitting in”.
Try to identify what triggers episodes of Imposter Syndrome for you. Of course, part of experiencing Imposter Syndrome is doubting yourself. Identifying triggers and differentiating between genuinely not fitting in and the indicia of discrimination is a lot harder than it might seem.
Luckily, you don’t have to do that job alone! You can do this a lot more easily and effectively with the help of a trained therapist or coach. Having someone who can dispassionately help you draw that distinction and identify what triggers those feelings of fear and inadequacy can make all the difference. Your local lawyer assistance program is ready and willing to get you that help. You don’t have to be in a crisis to talk to a counsellor or coach. Left unattended, Imposter Syndrome can leave you unhappy and even clinically anxious or depressed so this is preventative medicine. Many lawyer assistance programs have peer support programs. A peer supporter can be a good sounding board to help you sort out what it is that is bringing up these feelings of inadequacy in you. Use both if they’re available.
If you are actively being discriminated against in your workplace, then you may need to take action that an advice columnist (especially a secretly unqualified advice columnist!) can’t help you with. For the purpose of this column, I’ll assume that the things that are triggering your Imposter Syndrome aren’t of the Call-the-Human-Rights-Commission variety and are closer to the I’m-Tired-of-Hearing-How-Second-Rate-My-Law-School-Was end of the scale.
Make a list on one side of a page of those triggers, with as much specific information as you can about them. What exactly does Mr. Superior tell you about how prestigious his law school was that makes you feel like you don’t belong? What is it that Ms. Citius-Altius-Fortius says that causes you to think you’re not smart enough to be around her?
Now, on the right side of the page for each trigger write out something you could look at, touch, or otherwise use to counteract the way that trigger makes you feel when it comes. Did you write a paper that got published in a law review that might help you encourage a little voice inside your head that says, “You’re not so dumb after all”? Keep a copy of it somewhere you can easily find it when you get those messages that tell you you’re not smart enough. Your law school can always be counted on to give you lots of reasons why they were a great learning environment, especially when they’re asking alumni like you for donations. Take some of the junk mail you receive that you often ignore and put it in a folder somewhere where you can find it and look at it when you’re struck by the sense that your school wasn’t good enough. These are just two examples, but the point is to develop adaptive countermeasures to those harmful messages ahead of time and make it easy for you to put those into your mind. You can even practice deploying those countermeasures ahead of time so it’s easier to do when the time comes. Drilling your positive responses to triggers can help you just as drilling the ratios of criminal law cases helped you prepare for exams in law school.
Remember that one of those countermeasures may be going to your network of supportive other people that you developed by talking openly about your own experience of Imposter Syndrome we talked about earlier. Your resilience in the face of stressors like those “You don’t belong” messages isn’t so much a personal, individual quality as it is a factor of the support network you have – or build – around you. This can be an invaluable resource for you over the long run.
You are more likely to experience Imposter Syndrome when you are trying or learning something new and/or engaging in work that is less familiar than you are used to. Here’s the bright side of that: If you are feeling Imposter Syndrome, congratulations! That means you are being brave enough to try something you don’t already know. You are learning, and you’re perceptive enough to realize that you aren’t a master of this new skill you’re acquiring. One tip many people use is to just add the word “yet” to the internal monologue that your mind is giving you. For example, when your mind says “I don’t know how to do a Section 85 Rollover”, add “yet” to the end of the sentence. “I don’t know how to do a Section 85 Rollover, yet.” is much more hopeful self-talk and it leaves you with the sense that you could one day master this skill that has been making you doubt your competence.
One of the handy side-effects of the prevalence of Imposter Syndrome is that there are lots of great resources out there.
- Working with Imposter Syndrome – NICABM
- How to overcome imposter phenomenon – American Psychological Association
- What is Imposter Syndrome and How You Can Overcome it – Toronto Metropolitan University
I encourage you to read what is available, not least because the truth is I have no idea what I’m doing here?!
…. yet.
Be Well,
Advy
