Welcome to my world.

By Tony Wilson

I quite enjoy it when people write to me (or the “Editor”) and say good things about one of my columns in BarTalk. But I also enjoy it when readers vent their spleen, criticize and complain. This means they’re reading my column and have an opinion about it, even if their opinion is horribly wrong, specious or misguided. But I guess when I stick my neck out publicly, sometimes I’ll get kudos and sometimes I’ll get my head bitten off.

Although I long to receive the kind of kudos given to the British writer and actor Stephen Fry about his “inoffensive charm and gently upmarket wit,” only once was I personally insulted by a BarTalk reader. Five years after “Just Under the Wire Prize” was published in 2004 (I guess it took him a while to read it), one Victor P. Timajuleler (not a B.C. lawyer) emailed me about how “idiotic” my humour piece was and said, (and I quote): “It figures the author would be an imbecile like you.” How witty! I’m sure he’s on the web somewhere if you wanted to contact him about his diction, or you want to forward him a few thousand emails for fake watches, or in case you’d just like to tell him that Klingon proverbs about “cold food” can come true.

Other than February 2010’s issue, when four BarTalk readers correctly pointed out that “Dressage” was not “horse jumping” but rather using the horse as some kind of “Avatar” for equine yoga, the most letters I’ve ever received from BarTalk readers were about Charlie Don’t Skate, and my view that we should sever our constitutional ties to the English monarchy once the 83-year old Queen Elizabeth moved out of Buckingham Palace – a position I’m even more evangelical about since the trashing of the Olympics by the toxic English Press (and the fact that I still need a passport to visit the foreign country where the Canadian Head of State permanently lives).

So I enjoy the fact that BarTalk lets me tweak the nose of whatever sacred cow I want, mix my metaphors, and make regular innuendos of the political or sexual kind. Readers don’t complain about those sorts of jokes. But say anything provocative about the monarchy, and I’m the devil.

That was until the HST came along. Some people didn’t like my support of the HST in BarTalk. Some did. But the comments against me were tame and enlightened compared to the comments I received from The Globe and Mail readers, who didn’t like my explanations of the tax in the regular column I write for that paper. Not only did they hate what I was saying, they hated me. With a vengeance.

Said one anonymous writer, who more or less summed up 300 of the most negative comments from the 85,000 hits I received from the first HST column: “You are a malicious, sycophantic, self-entitled, pompous, wholly ignorant thug using the bully pit of a national media outlet to slur, slander and demean the people of this province. We’re fed up with you and your kind. You need to shut it and keep your head down. I would suggest to you Mr. Wilson that you remain well encumbered in your leather chair in your little corner office with the post-modern prints and well away from those of us you insult and denigrate with your ignorance and blithe stupidity. Dude – you really, really, really ought to just keep your mouth shut about this. Shut it Wilson. Now.”

Another writer, who didn’t use “Dude” or “really, really, really” in his rant, said, in capitals, “THIS MAN IS SO STUPID EVEN HIS WIFE HATES HIM... JUST PLANE STUPID....” When I confronted my wife about this, she assured me she would never tell a man with such poor spelling that she hated me.

So all you lawyers reading BarTalk, thanks for being so comparatively polite all these years and really, really, really keep those cards and letters coming in, even if you don’t agree with me. I’m happy none of you have obliquely threatened my life or my safety yet, and I’m thrilled you’re all such good spellers.

But if anyone ever calls me “Dude,” there could be a column about you. Like totally. You know? OMFG. LOL.

Vancouver Franchise Lawyer Tony Wilson practices at Boughton Law Corporation in Vancouver, and has written for the Globe and Mail, Macleans Magazine and Canadian Lawyer. twilson@boughton.ca | www.boughton.ca/people/lawyers/tony_wilson.

This article was published in the December 2010 issue of BarTalk. © 2010 The Canadian Bar Association. All rights reserved.